bitful

Daddy B. came to pick us up at the station. He looked cool and jovial but perhaps betrayed his slight uneasiness when he exited the station car park via the way in. And then later fell over at home – Dr. B's explanation being 'My dad's belly is so big he cannot see his feet'. Note to self: start secretly sweetening Dr B.'s tea with Splenda. Or cherish the tiny tuft of hair between his shoulder blades and develop a penchant for bears.

Mummy B. was waiting for us at home and soon mentioned sleeping arrangements: 'I have made beds in two rooms because I heard that somebody has got a bit of a snoring problem…'. We both seized the opportunity of three whole restful nights in a row each in his own bed (I am not sure which is worse: sleeping with a snorer, or being kicked in the shins every half hour because you snore).

We went to Alton Towers the following day. We arrived at nine, but I only about managed to dare opening my eyes on the scariest rides at around two. Everyone knows I do not do heights – which is exactly why Dr B. finds every opportunity to make me climb stuff and look down. I only do it to hear him say 'I'm proud of you' on the way down. After each ride, we went to look at the pictures of us on sale, and every single time there we were: arms in the air, spirited face, huge grin (him); clutching the harness for dear life, eyes shut and lips locked in a permanent 'no, no, nooo…' howl (me).

We did Rita (0 to 60mph in two and a half seconds), Nemesis (harnessed, legs dangling), Air (harnessed, legs dangling, seat turning so that you face the ground), Oblivion (dropped into a hole in the ground face first) and most of the other rollercoasters and rides too. We ate. I kept food down. Others obviously didn't, hence the faint whiff of sick that could be felt every now and then.

I took my revenge on the teacups, where at last all these months at the gym paid off: we were spinning so fast that we both noticed the teacup was lifting off on one side, and Dr B. had to beg me to slow down. You see, I enjoy my adrenalin rushes as the next man – as long as it all takes place at sea level.

[To be continued]

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