bitful

I haven't smoked for the past 5 hours and 50 minutes (not that I'm counting), and it already feels like a month. My throat has not fully recovered yet from the weekend flu, and as I woke up this morning and realized I only had one cigarette left, I decided to have it and then wait until at least 10:30 before going out to buy more.

I could not even finish that first one, my throat was hurting so much, and I suddenly remembered one of the numerous self-help books on quitting smoking that I have read in the past, advising to have one last half-cigarette as you wake up on the day you want to stop, so as to quench the withdrawal symptoms from a whole night without nicotine.

10:30 became 11, and then 12, and then 2 o'clock, and I went for a run in the park, and still resisted the temptation to buy cigarettes.

I feel sort of OK for the time being, a bit hyperactive, going from room to room unable to concentrate on anything in particular (but what's new about that?). I keep thinking that there's something missing but I can't quite identify what it is. I try having some tea or a snack but that's definitely not it, I tell myself - until I shiver in the realization that "what is missing" is actually something that is damaging my health, my finances and other people's sense of smell. I will need to learn to live my days without the constant presence of cigarettes.

The idea started creeping inside of me that I might even try to stop altogether. I know for a fact that I cannot cut down - unfortunately it's 30 a day or nothing with me - so why not try and go cold turkey?

This entry was posted on Wednesday, August 28th, 2002 at 2:20 pm and is filed under uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.