bitful

I cheerfully grinned my way through some errands today, despite the fact that I woke up at 5:30am for no reason. I must have looked like a complete lunatic, positively chuckling loudly while I walked through busy streets. The reason? No, I am not in love, it's just some stuff I read recently, which keeps coming back to me. Here's some of it.

One: The Search For Love In Manhattan; I followed Mike's advice and finally plunged into the archives at dawn today.

Two: the following joke from yesterday's Popbitch newsletter:

>> Legendary Gayers >>
John Gielgud is the Shit Fairy

Chestercopperpot writes:
"Many years ago, while appearing on Broadway
Gielgud was in a yellow cab on the way to the
theatre. It had been raining so he was carrying
an umbrella. After exchanging pleasantries with
the driver, Gielgud was dropped off and made his
way to the stage door.

"A few paces away from the cab he was surprised
by the previously friendly driver screaming
"Ya fuckin fairy, yo forgot yo fuckin wand!".

Gielgud calmly walked back to the cab, collected
his brolly, tapped the driver on the head and
said 'Turn to shit'.

Three: the following memo, e-mailed to me by a friend this morning:

MEMORANDUM

From: Bin Laden, Osama
To: Team Mates
Subject: The Cave

Hi guys

We've all been putting in long hours recently but we've really come
together
as a group and I love that. Big thanks to Omar for putting up the poster
that says "There is no 'I' in team" as well as the Garfield that says "Hang
In There, Baby." Very humorous.

However, while we are fighting a jihad, we can't forget to take care of the
cave. And frankly I have a few concerns.

First of all, while it's good to be concerned about cruise missiles, we
should be even more concerned about the carpet dust in our cave. We want to
avoid excessive dust inhalation, (a health and safety issue) - so we need
to
sweep the cave daily, I've done my bit on the cleaning
rota………..have you? I've posted a sign up sheet near the cave
reception
area (next to the halal toaster).

Second: It's not often I make a video address but when I do, I'm trying to
scare most of the world population, okay? That means that while we're
taping, please do not ride your razor scooter in the background or keep
doing the 'Wassup' thing. Just while we're taping.
Thanks.

Third: Food. I bought a box of Dairylea recently, clearly wrote "Ossy" on
the front, and put it on the top shelf. Today, two of my Dairylea Slices
were gone. Consideration. That's all I'm saying.

Fourth: I'm not against team chanting and all that, but, we must distance
ourselves from the Westerner's bat and ball game. Please do not chant "Ossy
Ossy Ossy Oi Oi Oi" every time I ride past on the donkey. Thanks

Finally, we've heard that there may be Western soldiers in disguise trying
to infiltrate our ranks. I want to set up patrols to look for them. First
patrol will be Omar, Muhammad, Abdul, Akbar, and Dave.

Love you lots, Group Hug.

Os.

PS - I'm sick of having Osama's Bed Linen scribbled on my bed sheets - Cut
it out Abdul, not funny anymore.

Four: The phrase "80 uses with puff" which, several weeks after reading it in David's Swish Cottage archives, can still conjure up images of what the remaining 77 other uses could possibly be.

This entry was posted on Friday, June 28th, 2002 at 2:12 pm and is filed under uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.